I can feel what seems like all this potential energy,
circling around, constricting my chest;
quickening my pulse and shortening my breaths.
Yet at the same time I can feel it slowly start to slip away.
And a great sadness covers what once promisingly flickered as it turned into nothingness.
I am the girl that is afraid of nothing, except maybe getting kidnapped
But I am the girl who is afraid of losing everything
Everything being everyone whom I love truly
So is it easier for me to just push them all away…
I don’t know what it is,
How everyday I can just stand there and openly lie to myself about the slightest of feelings I have towards someone, towards anyone.
Anything more than small talk and a hi and my guard shoots up, creating this cinderblock wall that I hide behind that no one ever seems to notice.
As for some, they know.
They know how I hide, even though they may not understand or see how complex and seemingly indestructible my wall is, its ok, I mean at least they know.
Maybe it was good in a way that someone knows, and even though it isn’t really knowing, but assuming, I still…can accept it..