I can feel what seems like all this potential energy,

circling around, constricting my chest; 

quickening my pulse and shortening my breaths.

Yet at the same time I can feel it slowly start to slip away.

And a great sadness covers what once promisingly flickered as it turned into nothingness.

I am the girl that is afraid of nothing, except maybe getting kidnapped

But I am the girl who is afraid of losing everything

Everything being everyone whom I love truly

So is it easier for me to just push them all away…

I don’t know what it is,

How everyday I can just stand there and openly lie to myself about the slightest of feelings I have towards someone, towards anyone.
Anything more than small talk and a hi and my guard shoots up, creating this cinderblock wall that I hide behind that no one ever seems to notice. 

As for some, they know. 
They know how I hide, even though they may not understand or see how complex and seemingly indestructible my wall is, its ok, I mean at least they know.

Maybe it was good in a way that someone knows, and even though it isn’t really knowing, but assuming, I still…can accept it..